updated on Mon Jan 16 12:07:49 UTC 2012

[aur-mirror.git] / fortune-mod-darkknight / fortunes.txt

Alfred: [bringing over champagne] A little liquid courage, sir?
Harvey Dent: You're Alfred, right?
Alfred: That's right, sir.
Harvey Dent: You've known Rachel her whole life?
Alfred: Well, not yet, sir.
Harvey Dent: Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?
Alfred: Oh, you have no idea.
%
Alfred: Will you be wanting the Batpod, sir?
Bruce Wayne: In the middle of the day, Alfred? Not very subtle.
Alfred: The Lamborghini, then. [with deadpan sarcasm] Much more subtle.
%
Batman: [after tying up the Scarecrow, the mobsters, and the fake "batmen"] Don't let me find you out here again.
Fake Batman: We're trying to help you.
Batman: I don't need help!
The Scarecrow: [sarcastically] Not my diagnosis.
Fake Batman: What gives you the right? What's the difference between you and me?!
Batman: I'm not wearing hockey pads.
%
Batman: [holding Sal Maroni on the edge of a fire escape] I want the Joker.
Sal Maroni: From one professional to another, if you're gonna scare someone, you should learn to pick a better spot. You know, from this height, the fall won't kill me.
Batman: I'm counting on it. [he lets go of Maroni; the mobster lands right on his feet, breaking both legs]
[Batman drops down to the street below using his cape and grabs Maroni by his jacket]
Batman: Where is he?!
Sal Maroni: [laughing in severe pain] No one's gonna wanna talk to you.
Batman: He must have friends!
Sal Maroni: Friends? Have you met this guy? We're wise to your act; you have rules. But the Joker, he has no rules. No one is going to give him up for you. There's only one way to stop him and you know it. Just take off that mask of yours. Or are you gonna let some more people die while you make up your mind?
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Bruce Wayne: [watching the tape the Joker broadcast on the news] Killing me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different–they crossed the line.
Alfred: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed and hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.
Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. We just need to figure out what he's after.
Alfred: With all due respect, Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man that you don't fully understand. When I was in Burma, a long time ago, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we started looking for the stones. But after six months, we couldn't find anyone who had traded with him. One day I found a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing the stones away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
%
Bruce Wayne: I need a new suit.
Lucius: [looking at the business suit Bruce is wearing] Three buttons is a little 90's, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: I'm not talking fashion, so much as function. [Fox inspects the new designs.]
Lucius You want to be able to turn your head.
Bruce Wayne: [dryly] Well, it would make backing out of the driveway easier.
%
Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman. He can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make–the right choice.
Bruce Wayne: Well, today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today, you get to say, "I told you so."
Alfred: Today I...I don't want to. [they walk to the elevator] But I did bloody tell you. [Bruce laughs] I suppose they'll wanna lock me up, too, as your accomplice. [they get on the lift, which takes them up]
Bruce Wayne: Accomplice? I'm gonna tell them the whole thing was your idea.
%
Bruce Wayne: That bandit in Burma, did you ever catch him?
Alfred: Oh, yes.
Bruce Wayne: How?
Alfred: We burned the forest down.
%
Clown (gunman): That's a lot of money. If this Joker guy was so smart, he would've had us bring a bigger car. [points his gun at the Joker, who is still in disguise] I'm betting the Joker told you to kill me soon as we loaded the cash.
The Joker: [chuckles] No, no, no, no. I kill the bus driver. [slowly steps to his right]
Clown (gunman): [confused] Bus driver? [moves gun to the right] What bus driver?
[A school bus drives through the wall, killing the henchman. The clown-masked bus driver hops out]
Clown (bus driver): School's out, time to go. [begins helping the masked Joker load the cash] Cat's not getting up, is he?
[The bus driver begins to load the money into the school bus]
Clown (bus driver): That's a lot of money. [small pause] What happened to the rest of the guys?
[The masked Joker turns his back to the bus driver and walks forward, casually gunning him down behind him]
%
Gambol henchman: Yo, Gambol. Somebody's here for you. They say they've just killed the Joker. They brought the body.
[Men walk in carrying Joker, covered from head to toe in trashbags, they place him on the pool table]
Gambol: So, he's dead? That's five-hundred gra...
[Joker suddenly stands, fatally stabbing two of Gambol's henchman as he moves, then hold a knife to Gambol's throat from behind]
Joker: How about alive, hm?
[Grabs Gambol, and a holds a knife to his cheek]
Joker: Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. And one night he comes home crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" So, he comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
[Joker quickly cuts open Gambol's face, off screen]
Joker: [to Gambol's henchmen] Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.
%
Gordon: Harvey, I'm sorry about Rachel. The doctors told me that you're in agonizing pain, but that you're refusing medication...that you refused to accept skin grafts.
Harvey Dent: Remember that nickname that you gave me when I worked in Internal Affairs...what was that?
Gordon: Harvey...
Harvey Dent: Say it. [pause] Say it!
Commissioner Gordon: [reluctantly] "Two-Face". Harvey "Two-Face".
Harvey Dent: Why should I hide who I am? [reveals the burnt side of his face to an uncomfortable and guilty looking Gordon]
Gordon: I know you tried to warn me before. Wuertz picked you up. Do you know who picked up Rachel?
[Harvey merely ignores him]
Commissioner Gordon: Harvey, I need to know which of my men I can trust.
Harvey Dent: Why would you listen to me now?
Commissioner Gordon: I'm sorry, Harvey.
[The camera reveals the burnt side of Harvey's face for the first time]
Harvey Dent: No...no you're not. Not yet.
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Harvey Dent: [to Rachel arriving late to court] Sorry I'm late folks.
[After they sit down when the judge enters]
Harvey Dent: [to Rachel] Who should go first?
Rachel: What do you mean?
Harvey Dent: [pulls out a coin] Heads, I go; tails, you go.
Rachel: You'd leave something like this up to chance.
Harvey Dent: [flips her the coin, which lands on "heads"] I don't rely on chance. I make my own luck.
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Inmate: If no one else is going to, I guess I will. Give that to me, and I'll do what you should have done ten minutes ago.
[The officer reluctantly hands over the detonator, and after a brief moment, the inmate throws the detonator out the window into the ocean and sits back down without saying a word]
%
Joker: [in the elevator to Bruce's penthouse as the doors open, holding Detective Wuertz at gunpoint in front of him and his men] We made it! [pushing Wuertz from the elevator and firing his shotgun up in the air which results in dead silence] Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
Guest: We aren't intimidated by thugs.
Joker: You know, [bangs on the table next to them three times] you remind me of my father. [pulls a knife out and puts it to the man's mouth] I hated my father.
Rachel: Okay, stop!
Joker: [noticing Rachel for the first time and saunters towards her] Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. See, I had a wife, and she was beautiful...like you, who tells me that I worried too much, who tells me that I ought to smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks. Hey. [she squirms, and he forces her to keep looking at him] One day they carve her face. And we got no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So...I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! But now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
[Rachel knees him and pushes him off her]
The Joker: [laughing hysterically from being hit] A little fight in you. I like that.
Batman: [appearing suddenly] Then you're gonna love me. [punches the Joker]
%
Joker: [to Detective Stephens] Do you want to know why I use a knife? [pause] Guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the little...emotions. You see, in their...last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way...I knew your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
Detective Stephens: [sighs and begins rolling up his sleeves as he stalks towards the Joker] I know you're going to enjoy this.
[The Joker simply rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck]
Detective Stephens: So I'm just going to have to try to enjoy it...even more.
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Joker: I want...my phone call. I want–I want it. [firmly] I want my phone call.
Detective Stephens: That's nice.
Joker: How many of your friends have I killed?
Detective Stephens: I'm a twenty-year man. I can tell the difference between punks who need a little lesson in manners...and the freaks like you who would just enjoy it.
[pause]
Detective Stephens: And you've killed six of my friends.
Joker: [looks up with surprise and mouths] Six.
%
Mayor Garcia: [regarding The Joker] What do we got?
Gordon: Nothing. No matches on prints, DNA, dental. Clothing is custom, no labels. Nothing in his pockets but knives and lint. No name. No other alias.
Mayor Garcia: Go home, Gordon. The clown'll keep 'til morning. Go get some rest. You're gonna need it. Tomorrow you take the big job. You don't have any say in the matter, Commissioner Gordon.
[The mayor and present police officers begin to applaud and cheer, only silenced when the Joker mockingly begins to clap with them]
%
Natasha: I don't think Gotham is a good place to raise children.
Bruce: [jokingly defensive] Hey, I was raised in Gotham and I turned out all right.
Harvey: Is Wayne Manor in Gotham City's limits?
Bruce: [laughs] The Palisades? Sure. As our new DA, you should probably check out where your jurisdiction ends.
Natasha: No, I mean, how can you justify supporting a vigilante?
Harvey: Well, I think that Gotham should be proud that one of its citizens is standing up for what's right.
Natasha: But this is a democracy.
Bruce: Exactly. Who elected the Batman?
Harvey: We did. All of us who let scum like over our city. When their enemies were at the gates, the Romans would suspend democracy and appoint one man to protect the city. And it wasn't considered an honor, it was considered a public service.
Rachel: Harvey, the last person the Romans elected was named Caesar, and he never gave up his power.
Harvey: Fine. You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Look, whoever the Batman is, he's looking for someone to take his place. He doesn't want to do it forever.
Natasha: Someone like you, Mr. Dent?
Harvey: Maybe. If I'm up to it.
Natasha: [holding her napkin up, covering the upper half of Harvey's face, laughing] What if Harvey Dent is the Caped Crusader.
Harvey: [stroking Rachel's hand] If I was sneaking out every night, someone would noticed by now.
Bruce: [who has been listening and thinking intently] Well, I'm sold. Dent, I'm going to throw you a fundraiser.
Harvey: That's very nice of you Bruce, but I'm not up for election for another three years. [Bruce interrupts]
Bruce: [completely serious] No, no, no, you don't understand. One party with my pals, and you'll never have to worry about another cent.
%
Sal Maroni: [to Dent] I thought the D.A.'s job was just to play golf with the mayor; stuff like that.
Harvey Dent: Tee-off's at one-thirty. That's more than enough time to put you away, "Sally".
%
TV Reporter: Gotham PD has shut down the bridges and tunnels across the area.
Barman: Sweet Jesus. [to Detective Wuertz, who is sitting on the barstool] Shouldn't you be out there? You know, doin' somethin'?
Detective Wuertz: It's my day off.
Barman: I gotta take a leak. Keep an eye out for me, will ya? [leaves]
[Pause ... someone enters the room]
Detective Wuertz: Now what? Need someone to shake it for you?
Two-Face: Hello.
Detective Wuertz: [shocked] Dent. Jesus, I-I thought you was dead...
Two-Face: Half.
[He drinks Wuertz's shot of whiskey, with some of it flowing out the side of his face]
Two-Face: Who picked up Rachel, Wuertz?
Detective Wuertz: It must've been Maroni's men.
Two-Face: Shut up! Are you telling me that you're gonna protect the other traitor in Gordon's unit?
Detective Wuertz: I don't know, he never told me! Listen, Dent, I-I swear to God, I didn't know what they were gonna do to you.
Two-Face: Hm, that's funny...[spins his coin on the table]...because I don't know what's gonna happen to you either. [it lands on "tails"]
[Two-Face shoots him]
%
[After a brief scuffle amongst Batman and the Joker and his men, Joker grabs a gun, puts it to Rachel's head and moves in front of a window]
Batman: Drop the gun.
The Joker: Sure. But first, why don't you take off your little mask and show us all who you really are. [shoots the window behind him and hangs Rachel out of it]
Batman: Let her go.
The Joker: Very poor choice of words. [Laughs maniacally as he lets her fall]
%
[After the trial is over]
Rachel: [excited] There's no way we can link the gun to Maroni, so we won't be able to charge him with anything, but the fact that they're trying to kill you means that we're getting to them.
Harvey Dent: [sarcastically] Well, I'm glad you're so pleased. I'm fine, by the way.
Rachel: Come on, Harvey. You're Gotham's D.A. If you're not getting shot at, then you're not doing your job right.
%
[Alfred, after finding Bruce not in the penthouse and his bed not even slept in, leaves the building and walks to a nearby construction site and enters a giant container, which conceals an elevator that lowers him into the makeshift Batcave–where he finds Bruce stitching up his wounds from the previous night]
Alfred: It'll be nice when the Manor is rebuilt. Then you can swap not sleeping in a penthouse...to not sleeping in a mansion.
[Finally reaches Bruce and sees the poor job he's doing at stitching his wound]
Alfred: Every time you stitch yourself, you do make a bloody mess. [begins to take over and inspect Bruce's work]
Bruce: It forces me to learn from my mistakes.
Alfred: Then you should be pretty knowledgeable by know, sir.
Bruce: My armor, it's carrying too much weight. I need to be faster.
Alfred: [inspecting the wound] I'm sure Mr. Fox can oblige. Did you get mauled by a tiger?
Bruce: [quietly; sheepish] It was a dog.
Alfred: [looks up briefly] Huh?
Bruce: [defensively, motioning with his hand] It was a big dog. There were more copycats last night, Alfred. With guns.
Alfred: Why don't you hire them and take the weekend off?
Bruce: That isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to inspire people.
Alfred: I know. [finishes up] But things have improved. Look at the new district attorney.
Bruce: [focusing on the display of monitors in front of him, on which he brings up various footage of Harvey Dent] I am. Closely. I need to know if he can be trusted.
Alfred: [pointing to a monitor showing video of Dent and Rachel getting out of a cab] Are you interested in his character or his, ah...social circle?
Bruce: Who Rachel spends her time with is her business. [Gets up and walks to a table with a change of clothes]
Alfred: I trust you don't have me followed on my day off.
Bruce: If you ever took one, I might. [takes off his shirt revealing many horrific battle scars]
Alfred: [noticing the scars with a caring look] Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce: Batman has no limits.
Alfred: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce: [putting on a new shirt] Well, can't afford to know 'em.
Alfred: And what's gonna happen on the day that you find out?
Bruce: [buttoning the shirt] We all know how much you like to say: "I told you so."
Alfred: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to...probably.
%
[As the Joker is climbing into the school bus to leave]
Bank Manager: You think you're smart, huh?
[The Joker turns to regard him peculiarly]
Bank Manager: Whoever hired you'se...they'll just do the same to you.
[The Joker calmly stalks towards him as he says this]
Bank Manager: The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor...respect! Look at you. What do you believe in, huh? What do you believe in?!
[The Joker kneels down, grabs the manager's face, and sticks a grenade attached to a string into his mouth]
The Joker: I believe...whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...[Joker takes off his clown mask for the first time, to reveal the horrific scars that extend his mouth into a giant grin]...stranger.
[Joker gives a slight chuckle and smile, gets on the school bus, and drives out of the bank causing the string to pull the pin out of the grenade...which is revealed to be a smoke grenade]
%
[At an intersection, a man driving a truck attempts to kill Coleman Reese by crashing into the police van containing him and Commissioner Gordon. Seeing this about to occur, Bruce Wayne speeds up in his Lamborghini to protect the van and manages to intervene in between the two vehicles; the truck hits his Lamborghini instead]
Gordon: That's Mr. Wayne's, huh? [inspecting the slightly injured Wayne] That's a very brave thing you did.
Bruce Wayne: [feigning ignorance] Trying to catch the light?
Gordon: Wha–you weren't protecting the van?
Bruce Wayne: Why? Who's in it?
[At this moment, Coleman Reese is being led away from the accident scene. Bruce gives him a knowing look. Realizing that the man who he had tried to sell out just saved his life, Reese hangs his head in shame and walks away]
Bruce Wayne: [to Gordon] Hey, do you think I should go to the hospital?
Gordon: You don't watch a whole lot of news, do you, Mr. Wayne?
%
[Back in the lobby, the bank manager, who was hired by the mob, pulls a shotgun from under his desk and shoots one of the clowns in the back; he proceeds to shoot at the other two in the lobby, one of which is the masked Joker]
Bank Manager: Do you have any idea who you're stealing from?! [Shoots off more rounds as the masked Joker and the other clown hide behind a counter] You and your friends are dead!
[Behind the counter]
Clown (gunman): [to the still masked Joker] He's out, right?
[The Joker nods; the Clown gets up only to receive the bank manager's last round in the right shoulder as the Joker shoots the manager in the right leg]
Clown (gunman): [to the Joker] Where did you learn to count?!
%
[Batman has tracked the Joker to an unfinished skyscraper, overlooking the two ferries that he is threatening to blow up. As Batman approaches, the dogs that the Joker has guarding him begin to growl. The Joker turns to face him]
Joker: Ah, you made it! I'm so thrilled!
Batman: Where's the detonator?
[The Joker shocks his head to the side]
Joker: [to the dogs] Go get him!
[The dogs attack. Batman disposes of the dogs, but is brutally beaten down by the Joker overpowering him with a steel pipe. Batman's 'sonar-vision' begins malfunctioning and the Joker forces Batman to the ground and subdues him]
Joker: [struggling to keep Batman down] We really should stop this fighting. Otherwise, we'll miss the fireworks!
Batman: There won't be any fireworks.
Joker: [expecting one of the two ferries to explode] And here we...go! [neither ferry explodes and the Joker looks out at them confused. He turns to a small clock and realizes that it is past midnight]
Batman: What were you trying to prove? That deep down, everyone's as ugly as you? You're alone.
Joker: You can't rely on anyone these days. You got to do everything yourself. [to Batman] Don't we? That's okay. I came prepared. [takes out a detonator, presumably the one that will blow up both ships] It's a funny world that we live in...speaking of which, you know how I got these scars? [motioning towards the scars on his mouth]
Batman: No, but I know how you got these!
[Batman fires his steel spike protrusions from his gauntlet, hitting the Joker's hand and releasing his grip on the detonator and Batman; Batman grabs him and throws him over the edge of the skyscraper. Falling and laughing, the Joker is caught by Batman's grappling wire and is hoisted up to where Batman is. The Joker moans in disappointment as he is raised]
Joker: Ugh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You...truly are...incorruptible, aren't you, huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because...you're just too much fun! [laughs a bit] I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
Joker: Maybe we could share one! You know, they'll be doubling up the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
Joker: Until their spirits break completely! Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
Joker: I took Gotham's "White Knight", and I...brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
[The Joker begins to laugh hysterically as Batman storms off. A SWAT team arrives and presumably takes the Joker into custody]
%
[Commissioner Gordon visits his son]
Son: Did Batman save you, daddy?
Gordon: Actually, this time I saved him.
%
[During Maroni's trial]
Harvey Dent: With Carmine Falcone behind bars in Arkham, someone must've taken over the so-called Family. Is that man in this courtroom today?
Witness: [nods]
Harvey Dent: [confidently looking at Maroni] Could you identify him, please?
Witness: [jokingly, as Maroni smirks at Dent] You win, counselor: it was me. [courtroom laughs]
Harvey Dent: [surprised and furious, walks over to the table and picks up a folder] I have here, a signed statement, by you, saying that Salvatore Maroni is the head of the Falcone crime family. Is that true?
Witness: Maroni's just a fall guy. I'm the brains of the organization. [courtroom laughs again]
Judge: [bangs gavel] Order!
Harvey Dent: Your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile.
Judge: Granted.
Witness: Hostile?! I'll show you hostile! [The witness smirks as he pulls out a gun, only for it to jam as Harvey punches him in the face and takes it]
Harvey Dent: [describing the gun to Maroni] Carbon fiber. .28 caliber, made in China. If you want to kill a public servant, Mr. Maroni, I recommend you buy American. [places it on Maroni's desk]
Judge: Remove this man into custody!
Harvey Dent: But Your Honor, I'm not done. [the courtroom cheers]
%
[Gordon has received a phone call from his wife]
Barbara: Jim, help! We're in trouble.
Gordon: Calm down, Barbara. What's going on?
Barbara: He's got has the kids!
Two-Face: [taking the phone] Hello, Jim.
Gordon: Harvey? What did you do? Where's my family?
Two-Face: Where my family died. [hangs up]
%
[Gordon is on the roof standing by the lit Batsignal, looking at it painted on the clouds, as Det. Ramirez brings him coffee]
Ramirez: You expecting him to show?
Gordon: He often doesn't.
Ramirez: Why wouldn't he show?
Gordon: Hopefully... [sips his coffee] ...because he's busy.
Ramirez: Then why do you light it?
Gordon: I just like to remind people he's out there.
[We see a montage of people looking up at the signal from around the city; two criminals beside a car planning a crime see the signal and one gets nervous and runs off; then we see the Chechen with his crew at a parking garage looking at the signal]
The Chechen: That is why we bring dogs!
%
[Gordon walks into the darkened interrogation room where the Joker calmly sits at a table]
Joker: [drawling mockingly] Evening, Commissioner.
Gordon: [after sitting down] Harvey Dent never made it home.
Joker: Of course not.
Gordon: What have you done with him?
Joker: [innocently] Me? I was right here! [shows handcuffs] Who did you leave him with, hm? Your people? Assuming, of course, that they are still your people...and not Maroni's. Does it depress you, Commissioner, to know just how alone you really are? Does it make you feel responsible for Harvey Dent's current predicament?
Gordon: Where is he?
Joker: What's the time?
Gordon: What difference does that make?
Joker: Well, depending on the time, he could be in one place, or several.
Gordon: [uncuffs the Joker and gets up to leave] If we're gonna play games, I'm gonna need a cup of coffee.
Joker: [sarcastically] Ah, the "good cop, bad cop" routine?
Gordon: [as he leaves the room] Not exactly. [closes the door]
[The lights suddenly turn on, revealing Batman standing behind the Joker, who gets his head smashed into the table]
Joker: Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next...
[Batman cuts him off by smashing the Joker's knuckles with his fist]
Joker: [comically waiting to register the pain] See?
Batman: You wanted me? Here I am.
Joker: I wanted to see what you'd do. And you didn't disappoint. You let 5 people die. Then you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that's cold.
Batman: Where's Dent?
Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth. There's no going back. You've changed things...forever.
Batman: Then why'd you wanna kill me?
Joker: [laughs hysterically] I don't wanna kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No. No...no. You...you complete me.
Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
Joker: Don't talk like one of them, you're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak–like me! They need you right now. When they don't...they'll cast you out. Like a leper. See, their morals, their code: it's a bad joke. They're dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these, uh...civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster; I'm just ahead of the curve.
[Batman grabs the Joker across the table]
Batman: Where's Dent?
Joker: You have all these rules, and you think they'll save you.
[Batman slams the Joker against the wall]
Commissioner Gordon: [Looking through the glass at Batman and the Joker] He's in control.
Batman: I have one rule.
Joker: Ooh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Batman: Which is?
Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
Batman: I'm considering it.
Joker: No. You're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them.
Batman: "Them?"
Joker: You know, for a while there, I thought you really were Dent. The way you threw yourself after her...[laughs]
[This comment throws Batman into a fit of rage; he flips the Joker onto the table and wedges the chair against the door handle so no one else can get in]
Joker: [laughs] Look at you go. Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny?
[Batman smashes The Joker's head against the glass window]
Batman: WHERE ARE THEY?!
Joker: [adopts a lecturing tone] Killing is making a choice...
[Batman punches The Joker in the face]
Batman: WHERE ARE THEY?!
Joker: You choose between one life or the other. Your friend the District Attorney. Or his blushing bride to be.
[Batman punches The Joker in the face again as The Joker laughs hysterically through all of it]
Joker: You have nothing–nothing to threaten me with, nothing to do with all your strength.
[Batman picks The Joker up by his shirt]
Joker: Don't worry, I'm gonna tell you where they are. Both of 'em. And that's the point: you'll have to choose. He's at 250 52nd Street. And she's at...Avenue X at Cicero.
[Batman storms out]
Gordon: Which one of them are you going after?
Batman: RACHEL! [speeds off on the Batpod]
Gordon: We'll get Dent! [to the other police] We're going to 250 52nd Street!
%
[Harvey Dent and Rachel are having a quiet date a very expensive upscale restaurant]
Harvey: It took me three weeks to get a reservation. And I had to tell them I work for the government.
Rachel: Really?
Harvey: The City health inspector isn't afraid to pull strings.
Bruce: [appearing seemingly out of nowhere and acting surprised] Rachel! Fancy that.
Rachel: Yeah, Bruce. [skeptically] Fancy that.
Bruce: [introducing the blonde trailing him] Rachel, Natasha. Natasha, Rachel.
Rachel: Natasha? Are you the...
Bruce: Prima ballerina for the Moscow ballet.
Rachel: Wow, Harvey's taking me next week.
Bruce: [thinly veiling a slight insult] Really...so you're into...ballet?
Rachel: Bruce, this is Harvey Dent.
[Harvey and Bruce shake hands]
Harvey: The famous Bruce Wayne. Rachel's told me everything about you.
Bruce: I certainly hope not. So let's put a couple of tables together.
Harvey: [looks around] I don't think they'll let us.
Bruce: Well, they should. I own the place. [motions with his hand for someone to move a table]
%
[In a video delivered to news media by the Joker, where he has kidnapped one of the fake "batmen"]
Joker: Tell them your name.
Brian Douglas: [nervously] Brian Douglas.
Joker: [giggling] Are you the real Batman?
Brian Douglas: N-no.
Joker: [whining] No? No? Then why do you dress up like him? [playing with the fake mask] Woo hoo hoo hoo! [giggling]
Brian Douglas: He's a symbol that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you.
Joker: Yeah...you do, Brian. You really do. Yeah...
[Brian whimpers in terror]
Joker: Shh shh shh shh. [pets Brian's face] So you think Batman's made Gotham a better place? Hm? Look at me...look at me! [turns camera to his face] You see, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham. You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die...starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
[Joker laughs hysterically as Brian screams]
%
[In the holding tank at the police station, one of the Joker's henchman is complaining of stomach pains]
Henchman: Please, my insides hurt.
Cop #1: I don't really care. Back away.
Henchman: The boss said he'd make the voices go away. He said he'd go inside and replace 'em with bright lights...like Christmas!
Cop #1: You're outta your mind, pal. Back off.
[The henchman collapses onto the ground and starts having convulsions]
Cop #1: We need a medic in the holding tank. Come on, get the door open. [enters the holding tank and yells at the other inmates] You guys back off!
[The medic examines the henchman's belly, which has what appears to be a rectangle-shaped bruise with a wire attached]
Cop #2: What's that? Jeez.
Medic: He's got some kind of a...contusion.
%
[Lucius has just explained to Bruce a new cell phone sonar technology developed by Wayne Enterprises]
Bruce: Sonar? [getting excited] Just like a...
Lucius: [cutting him off in a "don't get any ideas" tone] ...A submarine, Mr. Wayne. Like a submarine.
%
[Lucius is showing Bruce the equipment he will need to successfully abduct Lau in Hong Kong]
Lucius: Now, for high altitude jumps, you're gonna need oxygen and stabilizers. I must say, compared to your usual requests, jumping out of an airplane is pretty straightforward. [opens up a case containing the oxygen mask and tanks]
Bruce: What about getting back into the plane?
Lucius: [looks at Bruce] I'd recommend a good travel agent.
Bruce: Without it landing.
Lucius: Now that's more like it, Mr. Wayne.
%
[Lucius then shows Bruce the new Batsuit and describes its features; Bruce picks up a gauntlet and accidentally causes the projectiles to fire into a metal cabinet]
Lucius: Perhaps you should read the instructions first.
[Bruce looks slightly sheepish as he puts the gauntlet back]
Lucius: Now, this new armor is lighter, so you'll be able to move more easily, but there is a tradeoff in that you'll have less protection and be more vulnerable to bullets and knives.
Bruce: How will it hold up against dogs?
Lucius: [with sarcasm] We talking rottweilers or chihuahuas? [Bruce gives him a dirty look] Should do fine against cats.
%
[Maroni gets into his cars as he heads out of Gotham]
Sal Maroni: [to the driver] Don't stop for lights, cops, nothin'. [notices that Two-Face is sitting beside him in the car]
Two-Face: Going to join your wife? You love her.
Sal Maroni: [gulps] Yes.
Two-Face: You ever imagined what it would be like to listen to her die?
Sal Maroni: Look, take it up with the Joker. He killed your woman. He made you...like this.
Two-Face: The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash. I took care of Wuertz. Now, who was your other man inside Gordon's unit who picked up Rachel? It must've been someone she trusted.
Sal Maroni: Look, if I tell you, will you let me go?
Two-Face: It can't hurt your chances.
Sal Maroni: It was Ramirez.
[Two-Face smiles and points his gun at Maroni]
Sal Maroni: But you said...
Two-Face: I said it couldn't hurt your chances. [flips his coin: it's "heads"] You're a lucky man. [flips it again: "tails"] But he's not.
Sal Maroni: Who?
Two-Face: [buckles seatbelt] Your driver. [shoots the driver; the car crashes]
%
[One of the clowns has cracked open the safe]
Clown (safecracker): They wired this thing up with like 5,000 volts. What kind of bank does that?
Clown (gunman): A mob bank. I guess the Joker is as crazy as they say. Where's the alarm guy?
Clown (safecracker): The boss told me that when the guy was done, I should take him out. One less share, right?
Clown (gunman): Funny. He told me something similar.
Clown (safecracker): What? [turns around and realizes] No, no!
[The gunman shoots him]
%
[One of Wayne Enterprises' accountants has traced the money and figured out that Bruce Wayne must be Batman, and confronts Lucius Fox with schematics of the Wayne Enterprises prototype Tumbler, which is obviously the Batmobile]
Coleman Reese: I want $10 million a year, for the rest of my life.
Lucius: Let me get this straight. You think that your client, one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands...and your plan is to blackmail this person? [pauses, smiles] Good luck.
[The accountant slowly realizes what Wayne/Batman could do to him. He gets up from his seat and leaves the schematics on Fox's desk]
Coleman Reese: You can...keep these...
[Lucius calmly goes back to reading his paperwork]
%
[Part of the opening scene; "Bank heist"]
Clown (driver): Three of a kind. Let's do this.
Clown (gunman): That's it? Three guys?
Clown (driver): Two guys on the roof, every guy gets his share. Five shares is plenty.
Clown (gunman): Six shares. Don't forget the guy who planned the job.
Clown (driver): He thinks he can sit this out and still get his slice? I know why they call him "the Joker".
[Camera cuts to the two guys up on the roof]
Clown (alarm guy): So, why do they call him "the Joker"?
Clown (safecracker): I heard he wears make-up.
Clown (alarm guy): Make-up?
Clown (safecracker): Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.
Clown (alarm guy): [tampering with the bank's alarm system] Here comes the silent alarm...and there it goes. That's funny; it didn't dial out to 9-1-1. It was trying to reach a private number.
Clown (safecracker): Is it a problem?
Clown (alarm guy): Nah, I'm done here.
[The safecracker shoots him]
%
[Sal Maroni, the Chechen, and various other mobsters are eating at a restaurant while watching Harvey Dent announcing the detainment of Lau on the news]
The Chechen: So, with word out, we hire the clown? He was right. We need to fix real problem.
[Gordon walks into the restaurant, with a satisfied look on his face]
Gordon: [referring to Dent] Our boy does look good on the tube.
Sal Maroni: You sure you wanna embarrass me in front of my friends, Lieutenant?
Gordon: Oh, don't worry. They're coming too.
[At this moment, dozens of police enter the restaurant and arrest all of the mobsters and their accomplices]
%
[The Chechen is called by the Joker to an old tanker ship at the docks, inside he sees the Joker acting psychotic and antagonizing a tied-up Lau on top of the Joker's massive stacks of his half of the mob's cash]
Joker: [to the gagged and tied Lau; imititating a plane] Having fun?! [throws wads of cash at him] I told you I'm a man of my word.
The Chechen: [as the Joker climbs down] What are you planning to do with all your money?
Joker: You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. [pulls out his gun] I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! [Joker's men douse the money with gasoline and others hold the Chechen back as he tries to stop them] And do you know what they all have in common? [takes the Chechen's cigar] They're cheap.
The Chechen: What are you doing?!
Joker: [throws the cigar onto the money, which bursts into flames] Like I said, I'm a man of my word: I'm only burning my half. All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to 'em. Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.
The Chechen: They won't work for a freak.
Joker: [exaggerating the mob boss's accent] Frrreeaakk. [pulling out a small knife] Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm?[Joker's thugs pull away the mob boss] And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! [Reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a cell phone, and begins dialing numbers] It's not about money, it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
[Interrupting the news cast in which Coleman Reese is trying to announce Batman's identity] Joker: I had a vision of a world without Batman. The mob ground out their little profit, and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so...boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital. [hangs up the phone]
%
[The Chechen is meeting with the Scarecrow in a parking garage to discuss a drug deal]
The Chechen: [shows him an addict, who is hallucinating under the effects of fear toxin] Look what your drugs did to my customers.
The Scarecrow: [sitting in the shadow of the back of his van, which is surrounded by his men] Buyer beware. [gets up and moves forward into the light giving us our first sight of him] I told you my compound would take you places. I never said they'd be places that you wanted to go.
The Chechen: My business is repeat customers!
The Scarecrow: You don't like what I have to offer, then you can buy from someone else...assuming Batman left anyone to buy from.
[The Chechen's dogs start barking and everyone looks around]
The Chechen: My dogs are hungry!
[A figure that looks like Batman appears in the shadows]
The Chechen: Pity there's only one of you.
[But then more appear, with guns; the Chechen sets his dogs on one of them and a gun fight ensues]
The Scarecrow: That's not him. [sprays one of the fake "batmen" with his fear toxin, incapacitating him]
[The Tumbler crashes through the wall of the garage]
The Scarecrow: That's more like it.
%
[The Joker has overpowered Detective Stephens and holds him hostage with a big shard of broken glass to his neck. The other police aim their guns at him.
Cop #3: What do you want?
Joker: [calmly] I just want my phone call.
Cop #3: [confused by the Joker's demand] All right. [throws him a cell phone]
[The Joker dials a number on the phone. Suddenly, in the holding tank, the "contusion" on the henchman's body lights up and begins ringing]
Cop #1: Is that a...phone?
[The phone-triggered bomb in the henchman's stomach explodes, killing or knocking out most of the police in the room. The Joker escapes]
%
[The Joker interrupts the meeting of mob bosses]
Joker: [fake laughter done in a deadpan voice] Ha ha ha ha, hahaha, ha, ha, ha, oh, a-hee-hee, ha ha, oh, hee hee, hee ha, ahaha. [returns to normal voice] I thought my jokes were bad.
Gambol: Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off.
Joker: How 'bout a magic trick? [he slams a pencil into the table, point first] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
[Gambol's henchman tries to attack him; in one swift motion the Joker then slams the man's head into the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the man falls over dead]
Joker: Ta-daa! [looks at where the pencil was with mock surprise] It's...it's gone! Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You ought to know, you bought it.
Gambol: That's it. [rises from his chair]
The Chechen: I want to hear, proposition.
Joker: Let's wind the clock back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean, what happened? Did-did your balls drop off, hm? You see, a guy like me...
Gambol: A freak.
[The men in the room laugh]
Joker: ...A guy like me...look, listen, I know why you choose to have your little [clears throat] "group therapy sessions" in broad daylight, I know why you're afraid to go out at night: The Batman. See, Batman has shown Gotham your true colors. Unfortunately, Dent...he's just the beginning, and as–as for th-the television's so-called "plan", Batman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him and make him squeal. I know squealers when I see them, and...[points at the televised Lau]
The Chechen: What do you propose?
Joker: It's simple. We, uh...kill the Batman.
[Men in the room laugh again]
Sal Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
The Chechen: So, how much you want?
Joker: [brief pause] Half.
[Once again, the men in the room laugh]
Gambol: [whispers] You're crazy.
Joker: [quickly glancing up, defensively] I'm not. No, I'm not. If we don't deal with this now, soon, uh, little–Gambol?–here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma.
Gambol: [slams the table, and angrily rises from his seat] Enough from the clown!
Joker: Ah-ah. [rises from his seat as well, revealing grenades and explosives under his suit jacket with a string attached to his thumb] Let's not blow this out of proportion.
Gambol: You think you can steal from us and just walk away?!
Joker: [matter-of-factly] Yeah.
Gambol: I'm putting the word out: five hundred grand for this clown dead, and a million alive–so I can teach him some manners first.
Joker: Ah, uh...all right. So listen, why don't you give me a call when you want to start taking things a little more seriously? Here is...my...card. [pulls out a Joker playing card and shows it to everyone] Mm-hm.
[Waves his thumb as he retreats from the room]
%
[The Joker, dressed in a nurse uniform and wig, visits Harvey "Two-Face" in the hospital. He shoots a police officer before walking over to Harvey's bedside]
Joker: [raising the upper-half of the bed up, mutters a tune while doing so] La, de, la, de, la, de, lum [takes off his surgical mask]
[Harvey immediately becomes enraged and struggles to get out of the bed he's tied to]
Joker: [sits down by the bed, sighs and with a sympathetic tone and forced smile] Hiii. [takes off his wig as Harvey stops struggling, shaking his hair back into its messy state with his hands] You know, I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Harvey. When you and, uhh, Ra...
Two-Face: Rachel!
Joker: [motions his hands before him as he talks] ...Rachel were being abducted, I was sitting in Gordon's cage. Now, uh, I – I didn't rig those charges.
Two-Face: Your men, your plan.
Joker: [serious, smirks slowly] Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? [Two-Face tries to raise his arms] I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know...I just do things. The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. You know...they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say... [grabs Harvey's hand, Harvey struggles a little] eh, come here. When I say that you and your girlfriend [slowly slaps Harvey's hand a couple of times] was nothing personal, you know that I'm telling the truth. [starts unstrapping Harvey's wrists from one side] It's the schemers... [goes to the other side] that put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. And, uh ... [starts unstrapping Harvey's other wrist] look where that got you.
[Once Harvey's other wrist is free, he attempts to grab The Joker, the two struggling with each other until The Joker grabs a hold of Harvey's hands, moving them from side to side]
Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and [sing-song tone] I turned it on itself. [Harvey stops struggling, The Joker looking down at him] Look at what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hm? You know–you know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go [does the quote-fingers] "according to plan"... even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die... [voice rises hysterically] well, then everyone loses their minds! [lets go of Harvey's hands and pulls out a gun, the handle facing Harvey] Introduce a little anarchy. [puts the gun into Harvey's hand, cocking the gun] Upset the established order, then everything becomes...chaos. [guides the gun to his own forehead, smacking his lips] I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.
Two-Face: [looks down, pulls out his lucky coin with his free hand and shows the "heads" side to The Joker] You live.
Joker: Mmm-hm. [smacks lips together]
Two-Face: [turns coin around, showing the burnt, "tails" side] You die.
Joker: Hmmm, now we're talking.
[Harvey flips the coin, assuming it landed, The Joker then looks at him]
%
[Two-Face has kidnapped Gordon's family, and Gordon has followed them to the place where Rachel died]
Gordon: [as he walks into the building] Dent!
Two-Face: [after knocking Gordon to the ground from behind] This is where they brought her, Gordon...after your men handed her over. This is where she died.
Gordon: I know. I was here, trying to save her.
Two-Face: But you didn't!
Gordon: I couldn't!
Two-Face: Yes, you could have. If you had listened to me...if you stood up against corruption...instead of doing your deal with the devil!
Gordon: I was trying to fight the mob!
Two-Face: You wouldn't dare try to justify yourself if you knew what I lost. Have you ever had to talk to the person you love most? To tell them it's going to be all right, when you know that it's not? Well, you're about to know what it feels like, Gordon. Then you can look me in the eye and tell me you're sorry.
Gordon: [scared] You're not going to hurt my family.
Two-Face: [moving over to Gordon's wife and children with his gun out] No, just the person you love most. [points the gun at his Gordon's wife] Is it your wife?
Gordon: Put the gun down Dent! [whispers] please.
[Two-Face moves the gun to his daughter]
Gordon: [reaches towards them] Please.
[Two-Face puts the gun to Gordon's son]
Gordon: Goddamn it, will you stop pointing the gun at my family?!
Two-Face: We have a winner.
Barbara: [as Harvey grabs their son] No, Jim, stop him!
Gordon: Harvey? Harvey! [desperate] I'm sorry! For everything! Please, don't hurt my son.
Two-Face: [seems to consider it but grows angry when he hears police sirens] You brought your cops?!
Gordon: All they know is this is a situation. They don't know who or what, they're just creating a perimeter.
Two-Face: You think I want to escape from this?! There is no escape from this!
Batman: [appearing from the shadows] You don't want to hurt the boy, Harvey.
Two-Face: It's not about what I want! It's about what's fair! You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time! But you were wrong. The world is cruel. And the only morality in a cruel world...[pulls out his coin]...is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced, fair. His son's got the same chance she had: 50/50.
Batman: What happened to Rachel wasn't chance. We decided to act. We three.
Two-Face: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything?!
Batman: [pause] It wasn't.
Two-Face: [still holding a gun to Gordon's son's head] The Joker chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us. He wanted to prove that even someone as good as you could fall.
Two-Face: And he was right.
Batman: You're the one pointing the gun, Harvey. So point it at the people responsible.
Two-Face: Fair enough. You first. [flips his coin, it lands "tails," he shoots Batman in the stomach as Gordon's family screams] My turn [puts the gun to his own head, flips the coin and it lands "heads" up so he points the gun at Gordon's son's head]
Gordon: Harvey, you're right. Rachel's death was my fault. Pl-Please, don't punish the boy. Please punish me.
Two-Face: [still holding the gun to the boy's head] I'm about to. Tell your boy it's going to be all right. Lie...like I lied.
Gordon: [trying to calm his son] It's going to be all right, son.
[Two-Face flips the coin, but Batman tackles him over the side of the building before he can catch it, Batman saves Gordon's son but Harvey falls to the ground; Gordon runs over to the ledge where Batman is holding on to a pole with one hand and Gordon's son with the other, he pushes the boy up over the ledge and Gordon's wife runs over and hugs him, but before Gordon can help Batman, Batman loses his grip and crashes through several planks before he lands next to the motionless Harvey]
Gordon's Son: [after he follows Gordon down to where Batman lay unmoving next to Dent] Daddy! Dad, is he okay?
Gordon: [relieved as Batman slowly pulls himself up to his knees] Thank you.
Batman: You don't have to thank me. [he laborously gets to his feet in obvious pain]
Gordon: Yes, I do. [both look at Harvey's body on the ground] The Joker won. Harvey's prosecution, everything he fought for, undone. Every chance we had at fixing our city dies with Harvey's reputation. We bet it all on him. The Joker took the best of us and tore it down. People will lose hope.
Batman: They won't. [speaking tiredly through intense pain] They must never know what he did.
Gordon: Five dead, two of them cops. You can't sweep that up.
Batman: But the Joker cannot win. [kneels down next to Harvey, whose burnt left side is facing up] Gotham needs its true hero. [turns Harvey's head so that his unmarred side faces up]
Gordon: [imediately understanding, whispers] No.
Batman: [quoting Harvey Dent] "You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." I can do those things because I'm not a hero, unlike Dent. I killed those people. That's what I can be.
Gordon: [visibly hurt at Batman willingly sacrificing himself] No, no! You can't, you're not!
Batman: I'm whatever Gotham needs me to be. [hands Gordon his radio] Call it in.
. . .
Gordon: [speaking at a memorial for Harvey with a giant picture of Dent as he was, held in the same street as Loeb's funeral] A hero. Not the hero we deserved, but the hero we needed. Nothing less than a knight...shining.
Gordon: [talking to Batman as we see him take an ax to the Bat-signal] They'll hunt you.
Batman: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me, set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen.
Batman: [talking to Gordon as we see Alfred burning Rachel's letter to Bruce] Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more.
Batman: [talking to Gordon as we see Lucius typing his name into the sonar display before it self-destructs] Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded. [Lucius smiles to himself and walks away]
Gordon's Son: [as Batman runs] Batman? Batman! [looks up to Gordon] Why is he running, Dad?
Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
Police officer: Okay, we're going in! Go, go! Move!
Gordon's Son: He didn't do anything wrong.
Gordon: [visibly shaken, but respect clearly evident on his face] Because he's the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...[as Gordon continues, we see a wounded Batman running from the police and their dogs]...so we'll hunt him...[Batman reaches the Batpod and rides off]...because he can take it...because he's not a hero...[Batman is riding through the streets of Gotham on the Batpod]...he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector...a Dark Knight.
[title card appears and credits roll]
%
[We see Harvey Dent on the roof looking at the Batsignal with is on with his back to the camera; he turns around as Batman emerges from the shadows behind him]
Harvey Dent: [a bit sarcastically] You're a hard man to reach.
[Gordon storms onto the roof and angrily shuts off the Batsignal]
Harvey Dent: Lau's halfway to Hong Kong. If you would've asked, I could've taken his passports! I told you to keep me in the loop!
Gordon: All that was left in the vaults were marked bills! They knew we were coming! As soon as your office got involved...[Harvey cuts him off]
Harvey Dent: My office?! You're sitting down there with scum like Wuertz and Ramirez, and you're talking to...Oh yeah, Gordon. I almost had your rookie cold on a racketeering beef!
Gordon: Don't try to cloud the fact that clearly Maroni has people in your office, Dent!
Harvey: [to Batman, who has remained silent, simply watching the entire exchange] We need Lau back. But the Chinese won't extradite a national under any circumstances.
Batman: If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?
Harvey Dent: I'll get him to sing.
Gordon: We're going after the mob's life savings. Things will get ugly.
Harvey Dent: I knew the risks when I took this job, Lieutenant. [turns back to Batman] How will you get him back any...
[Batman has disappeared]
Gordon: [to a confused and slightly shocked Dent] He does that.
%
[After Batman asks Joker why he wants to kill him] I don't want to kill you. What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No...no, no. No, you...complete me.
%
[after Batman flips the truck and speeds towards the Joker who walks towards him shooting cars in the way] Come on. I want you to do it. I want you to do it. Hit me. Hit me! I want you to hit me! Come on. Do it! Hit me!
%
[After Batman has slammed his head into a table] Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next–[Batman pounds the Joker's hand and he comically waits to register the pain] See?
%
[After being told he's crazy] I'm not. No, I'm not.
%
[After his truck has crashed] Harvey, Harvey, Harvey Dent. [pushes the unconscious (or dead) driver out of the way] Excuse me, I wanna drive. [takes the wheel]
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[After the public demand the arrest of Batman] All right, then, take the Batman into custody. I am the Batman.
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[Batman has agreed to take the blame for Two-Face's murders so that Harvey Dent can be remembered as a hero] He's the hero that Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...and so we'll hunt him...because he can take it...because he's not our hero... he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector... the Dark Knight. [credits roll]
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[Hanging upside down over the edge of a building] Madness, as you know, is like gravity...all it takes is a little push!
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[Holding a knife to Gambol's cheek] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was...a drinker, and a fiend. One night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself; he doesn't like that. Not...one...bit. So, me watching–he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and says..."Why so serious?" He comes at me with the knife, "Why so serious?!" He sticks the blade in my mouth, "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...[turns to look at one of Gambol's henchman who looks terrified, and then says]...why so serious?
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[Holding a shotgun on the Joker] We got you, you son of a bitch.
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[In response to Gordon saying he's sorry] No. No you're not. Not yet.
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[Interrupting a news cast in which Coleman Reese is trying to announce Batman's identity] I had a vision of a world without Batman. The mob ground out their little profit, and the police tried to shut them down one block at a time. And it was so...boring. I've had a change of heart. I don't want Mr. Reese spoiling everything, but why should I have all the fun? Let's give someone else a chance. If Coleman Reese isn't dead in sixty minutes, then I blow up a hospital. [hangs up the phone]
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[Is about to unmask the unconscious Batman but suddenly gets a gun pointed at his head] Arrrgh! Could you please just give me a minute?
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[Pulls out a Joker playing card] Here's...my card.
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[Referring to the fake "batmen" who were using guns] That isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to inspire people.
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[Regarding him as a planner] I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know...I just do things.
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[Seeing Batman on the Batpod] Now there's a Batman. [Batman speeds toward him] Ooh, you wanna play? Come on. Come on.
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[Speaking out in a video he sent to Gotham News] See, this is how crazy Batman has made Gotham. You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day that he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.
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[Strapped to a timebomb, with a phone in front of her, hearing Batman saving Dent from the same situation] Okay ... Harvey, it's OK...listen to me...somew... [the bomb explodes]
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[To a man that speaks out against him] You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father.
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[To a policeman] Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all of the...little...emotions. You see, in their...last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way...I knew your friends better than you ever did. [pause] Would you like to know which of them were cowards?
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[To Batman hanging upside down from a building] Did you really think that I would risk the battle for Gotham's soul in a fist fight with you?! When dealing with this city, you need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
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[To Batman while hanging upside down from a building] You won't kill me because of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because...you're just too much fun! I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
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[To Bruce, after he announced his support for Harvey Dent] Harvey may not know you well enough to understand when you're making fun of him. But I do.
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[To Gordon] I am whatever Gotham needs me to be.
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[To Gordon] Sometimes, the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
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[To Harvey Dent] You're the symbol of hope I can never be.
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[To Harvey, who is trying to intimidate one of Joker's henchmen by pretending to decide whether to kill or not on a coin toss] You'd leave a man's life up to chance?
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[To Joker] You live... [showing one face of his coin] You die! [shows the other face]
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[To Maroni] Are you going to join your wife? Do you love her? Do you ever wonder what it would sound like to listen to her die?
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[To Rachel Dawes] You always told me we'd be together. Did you mean it?
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[To Rachel] Well, hello beautiful. [sloppily slicks his hair back] You must be Harvey's squeeze. [begins to circle her] And you are beautiful. [stops circling and pretends to be concerned] Oh, you look nervous. [holds the knife up] Is it the scars? You wanna know how I got 'em? [grabs her chin as she continuously tries to look away] Come 'ere, look at me. So I had a wife, she was beautiful...like you, who tells me I worry too much, who tells me I oughta smile more, who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks...[she squirms, and he pulls her back] Hey. One day they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again. Hm? I just wanted to let her know that I don't care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...to myself. [Directs attention towards the scars on his face] And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves! Now, I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!
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[To Rachel] You know that day you once told me about, when Gotham would no longer need Batman? It's coming.
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[To Sal Maroni, while sitting in a vehicle, after flipping his coin] You're a lucky man. [about Sal's driver, after flipping his coin once more] He's not...your driver [Two-Face shoots the driver, possibly killing Maroni in the process]
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[To Sal Maroni, while sitting in a vehicle, after flipping his coin] You're a lucky man. [about Sal's driver, after flipping his coin once more] He's not...your driver [Two-Face shoots the driver, possibly killing Maroni in the process]
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[To the mobsters whose money he stole] Oh, and by the way, the suit? It wasn't cheap. You oughta know, you bought it.
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[Tugging on a string connected to grenades] Let's not blow this out of proportion.
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And here we...go
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Batman has no limits.
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Freak? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then we'll see how loyal a hungry dog really is! It's not about money, it's about sending a message. Everything burns!
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Good evening, ladies and gentle men...we are tonight's entertainment! [grabs a piece of shrimp and eats it, then talks with his mouth full] I only have one question: Where is Harvey Dent? [no one answers; he walks over to a woman, takes her glass and tosses out her champagne, then mimes drinking anyway and stalks towards the other guests] Do you know where Harvey is? Do you know who he is? [grabs a man by the face] Do you know where I can find Harvey? I need to talk to him about something; just something little, huh? [turning his head side to side from the top and receives no answer and continues on] No. [to another man as he eats food from the man's plate] You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.
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Have you ever had to talk to the person you love most? To tell them it's going to be all right, when you know that it's not?
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How 'bout a magic trick? [slams a pencil into the table standing upright] I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. [Gambol's henchman tries to attack him; in one swift motion he slams the man's head into the pencil, forcing the entire pencil through his eye socket; the man falls over dead] Taa-daa! It's...ah, it's gone.
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I believe in Harvey Dent.
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I believe...whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.
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I can't wait till Wayne Manor is rebuilt so you can swap not sleeping in a penthouse for not sleeping in a mansion.
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I don't leave anything up to chance, I make my own luck.
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I just want my phone call.
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I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight. But this is different. They crossed the line.
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I like this job. I like it.
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I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.
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I've seen now what I would have to become to stop men like him.
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If we're going to play games, I'm going to need a cup of coffee.
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If you're good at something, never do it for free.
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Introduce a little anarchy...upset the established order...and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos.
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It's all part of the plan.
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It's not about what I want, it's about what's fair!
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Let's put a smile on that face!
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Let's wind the clock back a year. These cops and lawyers wouldn't dare cross any of you. I mean...what happened? Did your–did your balls drop off? Hm?
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Look at me...look at me!
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No! Dent is there with them! We have to save Dent! I have to save Dent!
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Now, our operation is small, but [grabs a pool stick] there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have tryouts. [breaks the stick in two, throws the pointy end on the floor in between three of Gambol's henchmen] Hm...make it fast.
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Some men aren't looking for anything logical like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
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Tell your boy it'll be all right, Gordon. Lie. Like I lied.
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The mob has plans. The cops have plans. Gordon's got plans. They're schemers.
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The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you...the dawn is coming.
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The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight, you're gonna break your one rule.
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There's no going back. You've changed things...forever.
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This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I'm gonna give it to them.
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This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.
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When the chips are down, these, uh...civilized people, they'll eat each other.
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You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
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You know the thing about chaos? It's fair.
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You know what I noticed? Nobody panics when things go "according to plan"...even if the plan is horrifying. If tomorrow I told the press that, like, a gang-banger will get shot, or a truck load of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan. But when I say that one little old mayor will die...[voice rises hysterically] well, then everyone loses their minds!
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You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline! And do you know what they all have in common? They're cheap. [lights his half of the mob's money on fire]
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You think I want to escape from this? There is no escape from this!
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You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time...but you were wrong! The world is cruel. And the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased, unprejudiced, fair.
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[Quoting Harvey Dent] "Either you die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
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