1 # Epitaphs for random headstones
7 Note -- there are NO valuable items in this grave
8 1994-1995. The Longest-Lived Hacker Ever
9 The Grave of the Unknown Hacker
10 We weren't sure who this was, but we buried him here anyway
11 Sparky -- he was a very good dog
12 Beware of Electric Third Rail
14 Og friend. Og good dude. Og died. Og now food.
15 Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
17 Please don't dig me up. I'm perfectly happy down here. -- Resident
18 Postman, please note forwarding address: Gehennom, Asmodeus's Fortress, fifth lemure on the left
19 Mary had a little lamb/Its fleece was white as snow/When Mary was in trouble/The lamb was first to go
20 Be careful, or this could happen to you!
21 Soon you'll join this fellow in hell! -- the Wizard of Yendor
22 Caution! This grave contains toxic waste
24 Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go
25 Here lies Ezekiel, age 102. The good die young.
26 Here lies my wife: Here let her lie! Now she's at rest and so am I.
27 Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising.
28 He always lied while on the earth and now he's lying in it
29 I made an ash of myself
30 Soon ripe. Soon rotten. Soon gone. But not forgotten.
31 Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
33 Alas fair Death, 'twas missed in life - some peace and quiet from my wife
34 Applaud, my friends, the comedy is finished.
35 At last... a nice long sleep.
37 Basil, assaulted by bears
39 Confusion will be my epitaph
40 Do not open until Christmas
41 Don't be daft, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-
42 Don't forget to stop and smell the roses
43 Don't let this happen to you!
44 Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
46 Fatty and skinny went to bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead. Skinny Smith 1983-2000.
47 Finally I am becoming stupider no more
49 ...for famous men have the whole earth as their memorial
50 Game over, man. Game over.
51 Go away! I'm trying to take a nap in here! Bloody adventurers...
53 Good night, sweet prince: And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!
55 He farmed his way here
56 Here lies a programmer. Killed by a fatal error.
57 Here lies Bob - decided to try an acid blob
58 Here lies Dudley, killed by another %&#@#& newt.
59 Here lies Gregg, choked on an egg
60 Here lies Lies. It's True.
61 Here lies The Lady's maid, died of a Vorpal Blade
62 Here lies the left foot of Jack, killed by a land mine. Let us know if you find any more of him
65 If a man's deeds do not outlive him, of what value is a mark in stone?
69 Killed by a black dragon -- This grave is empty
72 Mrs. Smith, choked on an apple. She left behind grieving husband, daughter, and granddaughter.
73 Nobody believed her when she said her feet were killing her
74 No! I don't want to see my damn conduct!
76 On the whole, I'd rather be in Minetown
81 Someone set us up the bomb!
82 Take my stuff, I don't need it anymore
83 Taking a year dead for tax reasons
84 The reports of my demise are completely accurate
86 This was actually just a pit, but since there was a corpse, we filled it
93 You should see the other guy
94 ...and they made me engrave my own headstone too!
95 ...but the blood has stopped pumping and I am left to decay...
97 A masochist is never satisfied.
98 Ach, 'twas a wee monster in the loch
99 Adapt. Enjoy. Survive.
100 Adventure, hah! Excitement, hah!
101 After all, what are friends for...
102 After this, nothing will shock me
103 After three days, fish and guests stink
104 Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
105 Ageing is not so bad. The real killer is when you stop.
110 All right, we'll call it a draw!
111 All's well that ends well
113 Always attack a floating eye from behind!
115 And I can still crawl, I'm not dead yet!
116 And all I wanted was a free lunch
117 And all of the signs were right there on your face
118 And don't give me that innocent look either!
119 And everyone died. Boo hoo hoo.
120 And here I go again...
121 And nobody cares until somebody famous dies...
124 And sometimes the bear eats you.
125 And then 'e nailed me 'ead to the floor!
126 And they said it couldn't be done!
127 And what do I look like? The living?
128 And yes, it was ALL his fault!
129 And you said it was pretty here...
131 Any day above ground is a good day!
132 Any more of this and I'll die of a stroke before I'm 30.
133 Anybody seen my head?
134 Anyone for deathmatch?
135 Anything for a change.
136 Anything that kills you makes you ... well, dead
137 Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
138 Are unicorns supposedly peaceful if you're a virgin? Hah!
139 Are we all being disintegrated, or is it just me?
140 At least I'm good at something
146 Been Here. Now Gone. Had a Good Time.
147 Been through Hell, eh? What did you bring me?
148 Beg your pardon, didn't recognize you, I've changed a lot.
149 Being dead builds character
150 Beloved daughter, a treasure, buried here.
151 Best friends come and go.... Mine just die.
152 Better be dead than a fat slave
153 Better luck next time
154 Beware of Discordians bearing answers
158 Blown upward out of sight: He sought the leak by candlelight
159 Brains... Brains... Fresh human brains...
160 Buried the cat. Took an hour. Damn thing kept fighting.
161 But I disarmed the trap!
162 CONNECT 1964 - NO CARRIER 1994
163 Call me if you need my phone number!
165 Can you believe that thing is STILL moving?
166 Can you come up with some better ending for this?
167 Can you feel anything when I do this?
168 Can you give me mouth to mouth, you just took my breath away.
169 Can't I just have a LITTLE peril?
170 Can't eat, can't sleep, had to bury the husband here.
172 Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
174 Check this out! It's my brain!
175 Chivalry is only reasonably dead
176 Coffin for sale. Lifetime guarantee.
177 Come Monday, I'll be all right.
178 Come and see the violence inherent in the system
179 Come back here! I'll bite your bloody knees off!
180 Commodore Business Machines, Inc. Died for our sins.
181 Complain to one who can help you
182 Confess my sins to god? Which one?
183 Confusion will be my epitaph
184 Cooties? Ain't no cooties on me!
185 Could somebody get this noose off me?
186 Could you check again? My name MUST be there.
187 Could you please take a breath mint?
188 Couldn't I be sedated for this?
189 Courage is looking at your setbacks with serenity
190 Cover me, I'm going in!
191 Crash course in brain surgery
192 Cross my fingers for me.
196 Dead Again? Pardon me for not getting it right the first time!
197 Dead and loving every moment!
198 Dear wife of mine. Died of a broken heart, after I took it out of her.
202 Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
203 Eliza -- Was I really alive, or did I just think I was?
205 Enter not into the path of the wicked
206 Eris? I don't need Eris
207 Eternal Damnation, Come and stay a long while!
208 Even The Dead pay taxes (and they aren't Grateful).
209 Even a tomb stone will say good things when you're down!
210 Ever notice that live is evil backwards?
211 Every day is starting to look like Monday
212 Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
213 Every survival kit should include a sense of humor
214 Evil I did dwell; lewd did I live
216 Excellent day to have a rotten day.
217 Excuse me for not standing up.
218 Experience isn't everything. First, you've got to survive.
219 First shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin
220 For a Breath, I Tarry...
221 For recreational use only.
222 For sale: One soul, slightly used. Asking for 3 wishes.
223 For some moments in life, there are no words.
224 Forget Disney World, I'm going to Hell!
225 Forget about the dog, Beware of my wife.
227 Gawd, it's depressing in here, isn't it?
228 Genuine Exploding Gravestone. (c)Acme Gravestones Inc.
229 Get back here! I'm not finished yet...
230 Go ahead, I dare you to!
231 Go ahead, it's either you or him.
232 Goldilocks -- This casket is just right
233 Gone But Not Forgotten
234 Gone Underground For Good
235 Gone away owin' more than he could pay.
236 Gone, but not forgiven
237 Got a life. Didn't know what to do with it.
238 Grave? But I was cremated!
239 Greetings from Hell - Wish you were here.
240 HELP! It's dark in here.... Oh, my eyes are closed - sorry
241 Ha! I NEVER pay income tax!
242 Have you come to raise the dead?
243 Having a good time can be deadly.
244 Having a great time. Where am I exactly??
246 He died today.... May we rest in peace!
247 He got the upside, I got the downside.
248 He lost his face when he was beheaded.
250 He's not dead, he just smells that way.
251 Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!
252 Help, I can't wake up!
254 Here lies the body of John Round. Lost at sea and never found.
255 Here there be dragons
256 Hey, I didn't write this stuff!
257 Hodie mihi, cras tibi
260 Humpty Dumpty, a Bad Egg. He was pushed off the wall.
261 I KNEW this would happen if I lived long enough.
262 I TOLD you I was sick!
263 I ain't broke but I am badly bent.
264 I ain't old. I'm chronologically advantaged.
265 I am NOT a vampire. I just like to bite..nibble, really!
266 I am here. Wish you were fine.
267 I am not dead yet, but watch for further reports.
268 I believe them bones are me.
270 I can feel it. My mind. It's going. I can feel it.
271 I can't go to Hell. They're afraid I'm gonna take over!
272 I can't go to hell, they don't want me.
273 I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either.
274 I didn't mean it when I said 'Bite me'
276 I disbelieved in reincarnation in my last life, too.
277 I hacked myself to death
278 I have all the time in the world
279 I knew I'd find a use for this gravestone!
280 I know my mind. And it's around here someplace.
281 I lied! I'll never be alright!
282 I like it better in the dark.
283 I like to be here when I can.
284 I may rise but I refuse to shine.
285 I never get any either.
286 I said hit HIM with the fireball, not me!
287 I told you I would never say goodbye.
288 I used to be amusing. Now I'm just disgusting.
289 I used up all my sick days, so now I'm calling in dead.
290 I was killed by <illegible scrawl>
291 I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.
292 I will not go quietly.
293 I'd give you a piece of my mind... but I can't find it.
294 I'd rather be breathing
296 I'll be mellow when I'm dead. For now, let's PARTY!
297 I'm doing this only for tax purposes.
298 I'm not afraid of Death! What's he gonna do? Kill me?
299 I'm not getting enough money, so I'm not going to engrave anything useful here.
300 I'm not saying anything.
301 I'm weeth stupeed --->
302 If you thought you had problems...
303 Ignorance kills daily.
304 Ignore me... I'm just here for my looks!
305 Ilene Toofar -- Fell off a cliff
307 Is there life before Death?
308 Is this a joke, or a grave matter?
309 It happens sometimes. People just explode.
310 It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
311 It wasn't a fair fight
313 It's Loot, Pillage and THEN Burn...
314 Just doing my job here
315 Killed by diarrhea of mouth and constipation of brain.
317 Let it be; I am dead.
318 Let's play Hide the Corpse
320 Madge Ination -- It wasn't all in my head
322 Move on, there's nothing to see here.
323 Mr. Flintstone -- Yabba-dabba-done
324 My heart is not in this
325 No one ever died from it
326 No, you want room 12A, next door.
327 Nope. No trap on that chest. I swear.
329 Not every soil can bear all things
331 Now I lay thee down to sleep... wanna join me?
332 OK, here is a question: Where ARE your tanlines?
334 Oh! An untimely death.
335 Oh, by the way, how was my funeral?
336 "Oh, honey... I missed you!" she said, and fired again.
337 Ok, so the light does go off. Now let me out of here.
339 Ooh! Somebody STOP me!
341 Out for the night. Leave a message.
344 Part of me still works.
345 Please, not in front of those orcs!
346 Prepare to meet me in Heaven
347 R2D2 -- Rest, Tin Piece
348 Relax. Nothing ever happens on the first level.
349 Res omnia mea culpa est
351 Rest, rest, perturbed spirit.
353 She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her.
354 She died of a chest cold.
355 So let it be written, so let it be done!
356 So then I says, How do I know you're the real angel of death?
357 Some patients insist on dying.
358 Some people have it dead easy, don't they?
359 Some things are better left buried.
360 Sure, trust me, I'm a lawyer...
361 Thank God I wore my corset, because I think my sides have split.
363 The Gods DO have a sense of humor: I'm living proof!
364 The frog's dead. He Kermitted suicide.
365 This dungeon is a pushover
366 This elevator doesn't go to Heaven
367 This gravestone is shareware. To register, please send me 10 zorkmids
368 This gravestone provided by The Yendorian Grave Services Inc.
369 This is not an important part of my life.
372 Tim Burr -- Smashed by a tree
373 Tone it down a bit, I'm trying to get some rest here.
376 Weep not, he is at rest
377 Welcome to Dante's. What level please?
378 Well, at least they listened to my sermon...
380 What are you doing over there?
381 What are you smiling at?
382 What can you say, Death's got appeal...!
385 When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.
386 Where e'er you be let your wind go free. Keeping it in was the death of me!
388 Will let you know for sure in a day or two...
390 Worms at work, do not disturb!
391 Would you mind moving a bit? I'm short of breath down here.
392 Would you quit being evil over my shoulder?
393 Ya really had me going baby, but now I'm gone.
394 Yes Dear, just a few more minutes...
395 You said it wasn't poisonous!
396 You set my heart aflame. You gave me heartburn.