A Conjecture for Counting Integers

[osp.git] / a.txt

"It ain't so much the things we don't know that get us in trouble.  It's the
things we know that ain't so."
                -- Artemus Ward aka Charles Farrar Brown

Why was I born with such contemporaries?
                -- Oscar Wilde

This "brain-damaged" epithet is getting sorely overworked.  When we can
speak of someone or something being flawed, impaired, marred, spoiled;
batty, bedlamite, bonkers, buggy, cracked, crazed, cuckoo, daft, demented,
deranged, loco, lunatic, mad, maniac, mindless, non compos mentis, nuts,
Reaganite, screwy, teched, unbalanced, unsound, witless, wrong;  senseless,
spastic, spasmodic, convulsive; doped, spaced-out, stoned, zonked;  {beef,
beetle,block,dung,thick}headed, dense, doltish, dull, duncical, numskulled,
pinhead;  asinine, fatuous, foolish, silly, simple;  brute, lumbering, oafish;
half-assed, incompetent; backward, retarded, imbecilic, moronic; when we have
a whole precisely nuanced vocabulary of intellectual abuse to draw upon,
individually and in combination, isn't it a little <fill in the blank> to be
limited to a single, now quite trite, adjective?

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
                -- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"

        The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on
the subject of towels.
        Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value.  For
some reason, if a non-hitchhiker discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel
with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a
toothbrush, washcloth, flask, gnat spray, space suit, etc., etc.  Furthermore,
the non-hitchhiker will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or
a dozen other items that he may have "lost".  After all, any man who can
hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, struggle against terrible odds,
win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be
reckoned with.
                -- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Fortune's Law of the Week (this week, from Kentucky):
        No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this
State unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed
with a club.  The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females
weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it
apply to female horses.

Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball.  Basketball, soybeans, hogs and
basketball.  Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic.  Berkeley
is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.
                -- Carolyn Jones

        Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. does not warrant that the
functions contained in the program will meet your requirements or that
the operation of the program will be uninterrupted or error-free.
        However, Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. warrants the
diskette(s) on which the program is furnished to be of black color and
square shape under normal use for a period of ninety (90) days from the
date of purchase.
        NOTE: IN NO EVENT WILL COSMOTRONIC SOFTWARE UNLIMITED OR ITS
DISTRIBUTORS AND THEIR DEALERS BE LIABLE TO YOU FOR ANY DAMAGES, INCLUDING
ANY LOST PROFIT, LOST SAVINGS, LOST PATIENCE OR OTHER INCIDENTAL OR
CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
                -- Horstmann Software Design, the "ChiWriter" user manual

"Seed me, Seymour"
                -- a random number generator meets the big green mother from outer space

  An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out. -Arthur Baer,
  American comic and columnist

Use of software is governed by the terms of the end user license agreement.

A Code of Honour: never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief
as your goal.  There are too many women in the world to justify that sort of
dishonourable behaviour.  Unless she's really attractive.
                -- Bruce J. Friedman, "Sex and the Lonely Guy"

True, it returns "" for false, but "" is an even more interesting
number than 0.
                -- Larry Wall in <199707300650.XAA05515@wall.org>

But since I knew now that I could hope for nothing of greater value than
frivolous pleasures, what point was there in denying myself of them?
                -- M. Proust

Fun Facts, #14:
        In table tennis, whoever gets 21 points first wins.  That's how
        it once was in baseball -- whoever got 21 runs first won.

AUTHOR
FvwmAuto just appeared one day, nobody knows how.
                -- FvwmAuto(1x)

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws
of nature!
                -- G. B. Shaw

prototype, n.:
        First stage in the life cycle of a computer product, followed by
        pre-alpha, alpha, beta, release version, corrected release version,
        upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc.  Unlike its successors, the
        prototype is not expected to work.

Earl Wiener, 55, a University of Miami professor of management science,
telling the Airline Pilots Association (in jest) about 21st century aircraft:

        "The crew will consist of one pilot and a dog.  The pilot will
        nurture and feed the dog.  The dog will be there to bite the
        pilot if he touches anything.
                -- Fortune, Sept. 26, 1988
                   [the *magazine*, silly!]

It is bad luck to be superstitious.
                -- Andrew W. Mathis

I'm RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!!  Equip me with MISSILES!!

My ritual differs slightly.  What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I
hop into the shower stall.  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped
in I landed barefoot right on top of See Threepio, a little plastic robot
character from "Star Wars" whom my son, Robert, likes to pull the legs off
of while he showers.  Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog,
Earnest, who has been alone in the basement all night building up powerful
dog emotions, has come bounding and quivering into the bathroom and wants
to greet me with 60 or 70 thousand playful nips, any one of which -- bear
in mind that I am naked and, without my contact lenses, essentially blind
-- could result in the kind of injury where you have to learn a whole new
part if you want to sing the "Messiah," if you get my drift.  Then I hop
right back out, because Robert, with that uncanny sixth sense some children
have -- you cannot teach it; they either have it or they don't -- has chosen
exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets.  Perhaps several of them.
                -- Dave Barry

Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
        The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
        dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
        putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
                -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Between 1950 and 1952, a bored weatherman, stationed north of Hudson
Bay, left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.
Using a bulldozer abandoned by the Air Force, he spent two years and
great effort pushing boulders into a single word.

It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
Government officials exchanged memos full of circumlocutions (no Latin
equivalent exists) but failed to word an appropriation bill for the
destruction of this cairn, that wouldn't alert the press and embarrass
both Parliament and Party.

It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
planets, this may be the first message received from us.
                -- The Realist, November, 1964.

As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."

<netgod> you know
<netgod> its really sad when the internic itself cant configure DNS
         servers right
<netgod> it just doesnt get any more pathetic than that

I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.
                -- Cash McCall

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
                -- Paul Erlich

<joeyh> oh my, it's a UP P III.
<doogie> dos it.
* joeyh runs dselect
<Overfiend> that ought to be sufficient :)

Adult, n.:
        One old enough to know better.

But they went to MARS around 1953!!

Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.
                -- P. E. Trudeau

While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ...  his
will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!

"I think Michael is like litmus paper - he's always trying to learn."
                -- Elizabeth Taylor, absurd non-sequitir about Michael Jackson

If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement?

How do Crays and Alphas handle the POSIX problem?
                -- Larry Wall in <199709050042.RAA29379@wall.org>

The means-and-ends moralists, or non-doers, always end up on their ends
without any means.
                -- Saul Alinsky

Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
                -- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"

When you're married to someone, they take you for granted ... when
you're living with someone it's fantastic ... they're so frightened
of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the time.
                -- Nell Dunn, "Poor Cow"

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that the experience makes you wise.

Sometimes a man will tell his bartender things he'll never tell his doctor.
                -- Dr. Phillip Boyce, "The Menagerie" ("The Cage"),
                   stardate unknown.

Celebrity Schadenfreude:
        Lurid thrills derived from talking about celebrity deaths.
                -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated
                   Culture"

Marriage is learning about women the hard way.

SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out!
                -- Ken Thompson

Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?

Every program has (at least) two purposes:
        the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.

It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.

"The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria that
from time to time threaten freedoms everywhere... Indeed, it is difficult
to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it not been for the
Union's valiant representation in the courts of the constitutional rights
of people of all persuasions, no matter how unpopular or even despised
by the majority they were at the time."
                -- former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren

Why I Can't Go Out With You:

I'd LOVE to, but...
        -- I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
        -- I have to sit up with a sick ant.
        -- I'm trying to be less popular.
        -- My bathroom tiles need grouting.
        -- I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
        -- My subconscious says no.
        -- I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I
                can't seem to put it down.
        -- My favorite commercial is on TV.
        -- I have to study for my blood test.
        -- I've been traded to Cincinnati.
        -- I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
                -- I have to go to court for kitty littering.

        Old Barlow was a crossing-tender at a junction where an express train
demolished an automobile and its occupants. Being the chief witness, his
testimony was vitally important. Barlow explained that the night was dark,
and he waved his lantern frantically, but the driver of the car paid
no attention to the signal.
        The railroad company won the case, and the president of the company
complimented the old-timer for his story. "You did wonderfully," he said,
"I was afraid you would waver under testimony."
        "No sir," exclaimed the senior, "but I sure was afraid that durned
lawyer was gonna ask me if my lantern was lit."

I will never lie to you.

It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

The more control, the more that requires control.

Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.
                -- Leonardo da Vinci

"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific."
                -- Jane Wagner

PLEASE DON'T SMOKE HERE!

Penalty: An early, lingering death from cancer,
         emphysema, or other smoking-caused ailment.

I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along."
It isn't that I can't toddle.  It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
                -- Robert Benchley

To love is good, love being difficult.

I think, therefore I am... I think.

"...Unix, MS-DOS, and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad, and
the Ugly)."
(By Matt Welsh)

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
without thinking.

We just joined the civil hair patrol!

"The following is not for the weak of heart or Fundamentalists."
                -- Dave Barry

How much of their influence on you is a result of your influence on them?

While supplies last.

There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine," said
a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.
        "And yet just a short time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with
an unanswerable question," said Nasrudin.
        "I could have answered it if I had been there."
        "Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
the middle of the night?'"

You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
                -- Benjamin Franklin

It is fruitless:
        to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.

        to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with
        innovative maneuvers.

Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.
                -- Cervantes

If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a deal faster.
                -- The Duchess, "Through the Looking Glass"

Age is a tyrant who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.

In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.

Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.

Why do seagulls live near the sea?  'Cause if they lived near the bay,
they'd be called baygulls.

Please stand for the National Anthem:

        God save our Gracious Queen!
        Long live our Noble Queen!
        God save the Queen!
        Send her victorious,
        Happy and glorious,
        Long to reign o'er us!
        God save the Queen!

Thank you.  You may resume your seat.

I want to reach your mind -- where is it currently located?

I was born in a barrel of butcher knives
Trouble I love and peace I despise
Wild horses kicked me in my side
Then a rattlesnake bit me and he walked off and died.
                -- Bo Diddley

HOST SYSTEM RESPONDING, PROBABLY UP...

The new Linux anthem will be "He's an idiot, but he's ok", as performed by
Monthy Python.  You'd better start practicing.
                -- Linus Torvalds, announcing another kernel patch

Many a man that can't direct you to a corner drugstore will get a respectful
hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
                -- Finley Peter Dunne

Just to expand on what Ross said, it is undoubtedly too much to expect
of any distribution that it automatically detect whether or not the
person installing it can read simple English directions, and if he
can't, proceed without his input.  That way lies madness.
                -- Shawn McMahon on debian-curiosa@l.d.o